Bongos

Like a white suburban kid carrying a djembe, Bongo's may whitewash the culinary genres, but that still beats an erhu any day.



Bongo's is another great place to steal books from. But this time you might feel guilty because the food is good and the atmosphere is nice if there aren't any gaggles of giggling 12-hour tea whore students from Tai Da clogging the tables.



The veggie burger is uniquely non-fungal, served with a salad and fries for under NT$200. I suggest indulging in their poutine (french fries, gravy, and cheese). The 5-layer Mexican nacho dip is a great appetizer and quite filling with the soup of the day. Pizza and pasta round out a very friendly veggie menu.

There is comfortable outdoor seating but I suggest you make a reservation.
(02) 2365 6059
3, Alley 5, Ln 74, Wenzhou St, Taipei
台北市溫州街74巷5弄3號

TOASTERIA

If Veggie Bitch could ask for a mascot, surely it would be a sassy little wedge of toast holding a margarita in its hand. Toasteria covers all of the three C's in the expat culinary arts:

Cheese, Choice, and Cheap.

The line is firmly drawn in the sand. Rice begone! There's no more excuse to save money and settle for Chinese food. Expect dozens of savory options as Toasteria blends the mellifluous tastes of the Mediterranean the same way an alchemist might dream of calx and phlogiston. Toasteria will mesmerize you with 1001 toasted incarnations that threaten to unseat tofu as the most diverse character in the culinary theater. Enter hot cheese and his harem of delectable sides. Not convinced? Try one of the many salads, grilled salmon, or just get a fish 'n chips if you're that thick. Trust me, get toasted.

Toasteria exteria

A good spot to have a drink after the meal.

The bar

Sicilians, fries and margaritas

margarita

Salmon salad

Decor

The menu

Toasteria
(02) 2365-3051
No.1, Lane 72, YunHe Street
NT $110-$250

Glandma Nitti's

Fifteen years ago Nitti's was a hole-in-the-wall diner on the other side of Xin Sheng Rd. It used to be a bottomless cup of hangover salvation. Now it's just a bottomless pit of depressing loneliness. The only way to cope is to bring a book or steal one of theirs. Even with a full menu, pregnant with veggie opportunities, all of my meals feel like some crucial ingredients were aborted somewhere on the prep line.

There are just too many other options these days to keep returning to the inflated glands of Grandma Nitti's infected business model.

It's going to be an overpriced meal and the ambience will reek of a Luby's cafeteria. The final cherry on top of this 80-year old virgin is the impotent attempt to provide a foreign atmosphere with ICRT's smooth rock from Michael Bolton, Dick Marx, and Kansas. I can think of no better mix to this waffling leathery G-spot than the sappy Kenny-G sax solo someone put in heavy rotation.

Many books to steal. Nobody's watching.

Grandma Nitti's Kitchen
No. 8, Lane 93, Shita Rd.
(02) 2369-9751
NT$200-300

LOHAS

I love a good acronym with some irony on the side. Life Of Health And Sustainability should read Cheap, Ready, And Practical. They do eggs well, but then again, so does my dad. If you're like me, you're snobby and broke. So you really can't beat the affordable prices. Expect a decent omelet, indecent breakfast potatoes, and a salad to bitch at. Lots of veggie options but think Taiwanese portions and there aren't many seats. The real treat are the smoothies. There is free internet, cold AC, and warm lesbian staff. Free delivery to the ShiTa area.

Blueberry yogurt maple syrup smoothy

Egg and bean breakfast burrito meal

Omelet

Shi-Ta Rd.
(02) 2836-93432
NT $100-$200

Kiwi Garden Burgers

Bongo's is better and cheaper and right down the street.

A Taste of Tibet

In my quest to expose the great margarine conspiracy of Indian fare in the Shi Ta area, I have subjected my liver and my wallet to countless disappointments with the faux flavors. A Taste of India, Trust Me Friend, and Totally Tibet lie conspicuously close to each other. The cooks take their smoke breaks in the same alley, have similar flip-flops, and wear the same bemused felon expression on their faces. What dodgy recipe deals are made in those dark back alleys? First of all, every dish you order comes with a certain chemo orange tint that looks like something you'd find at a Chernobyl Psy-Trance party. The conspiracy has moved from the sub-continent to infect Tibetan food. This is nothing short of Culinary Racism.


This bread needs some Viagra


Powdered soup mix (with corn niblets)



Potato dish rivaling pre-Marco Polo European blandness



A salad of cabbage, corn, and some gray goo that is slightly reminiscent of The Fly II. It actually looks like a cubist deconstruction of Borscht disassembled into its atomic constituents. The antithesis of synergy. Save your money, go see Inglorious Basterds. The buttered popcorn will be more authentically Tibetan than anything here.

Taste of Tibet
Behind ShiTa park (key word behind)
NT$500

baba ke baba

Despite the meat-heavy menu, vegetarians can still find a place to shish. I suggest the scrumptious mousaka for a filling 4-course meal, served with heaping portions of cous-cous and a nice tomato soup. The rice pudding is above average (who can really get excited about rice?). The flagship restaurant boasts authentic Moroccan fare for over a year. Sundays come with scarf dancing.

Entrancing

Starter: tomato soup, chunky salad, wraps

Main: generous portion of couscous, vegetable moussaka

Dessert: rice pudding

Scarf dancing

baba ke baba
(02) 3365-3338
24, Lane 13, PuCheng St.
NT$350